Sydney's Heart (Part 3)

It’s today. You know this day will come Sydney. This is the most painful to you life. This wedding will be full of happiness, except you. Again, you walked in to your little box. Hatred, lonely, and sadness, all of them are covering you. They are making your air harder to breathe in. They try to kill your weak heart. You knew this will be happened. Than, why are you still sad? How could I say that I’m so hate myself right now? But yes, I’m, or at least, Sydney Carton, you always hate your life. Your lie is full of darkness until Lucie’s smile appears. And now, she will marry a guy named Charles Darnay who looks exactly like you. My heart, my poor heart, hates everything right now. However, you still have to face with it, Sydney. You should go to the wedding, or at least, try to say something to congratulate them. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces now. Where is the peaceful place that I can sleep in there, or at least try to heal this wound. Who will or can give you some peace right now? Where is peace in my heart? I want to sleep to pass today. Fear.

Sydney's Heart (Part 2)

Dear me, you such a loser. You are the worst drunkard, the loser, and the stupidest man ever. You have no direction that you will be, where you will go. Your little world inside your heart is already full of darkness, hatred. Now, your world is darker, deeper, and more painful. Why didn’t you confess your feelings to Lucie? Now, Mr. Stryer wants to marry your love. And, you, stupid lawyer, still keep drinking. You already know wine is bad for you. You want to run away this truth. You are fear and coward. Sydney, you can keep drinking your wine, you can use it to make you fall into sleep easier, you can forget sadness when you are drinking. However, this is the time I need to focus on my feelings. Hey Sydney, be a man! I can’t run away anymore. Lucie Manette needs to know how much I love her, she need to learn that she is the most important person in my life. This time, Sydney, you are begging yourself to be stronger, be braver. No matter what, you need to tell your hidden feelings to Lucie. Perhaps she will know or at least, you confess your feelings. No more secrets. No matter how or what Lucie will say, you still need to accept it.

Sydney's Heart (Part 1)

Oh Sydney oh Sydney! I thought you are a strong man with the coldest heart in the world. You are smart and manly. Then how did you so lost your control when you see Lucie Manette. The first time you saw her, your soul was completely in love with her. Her eyes are so pretty, and you, Sydney Carton, still try to pretend that you dislike her. How silly you are, Sydney. Dear me, why did I try to say I dislike her. How silly I was. Your heart was warmed when you saw her gorgeous smile, your body almost couldn’t be controlled when she looked at you, and your lip can’t wait to say you love her and kiss her anymore. Then, why did your stubborn brain try to be cold. Yes, you are right, my stubborn brain. You should think that you are not, or at least you can’t be a good man for her life. You should learn that something in this real life is hard to be accepted. You should know your hands can not bring happy to her. Then, what exactly you are thinking? You love her but can not tell her you love her? You are so coward, Sydney Carton!

Link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5BPFM7P03c&feature=related

Letter for Lucie Manette

Dear Lucie,

When you read this letter, I won’t be breathing anymore, my soul will be flying peacefully in the air, and my heart will be an angel and always protect you. For the last wish I ask from you, no matter how hard the life will be, no matter how painful you will feel that the tear you shed will be the happy tears and the words you say will full of happiness. Your life without me should be brighter than any star in the sky, prettier than the light of the moon at twilight and more gorgeous than the sun rise every morning.

Charles Darnay is perfectly a great man full of kindness for you. I’m a loser in my heart. Even when I met you privately before your wedding to tell you everything, and you consoled me, in my deepest dark heart, I was still jealous of him, and even hated him. It made me become another person, a man who just knew how to live on the dark side, full of hatred. However, I’m glad that you still smile with me when I’m such a loser. Your smiles, your words, your voice, those saved me. I’m glad that I tell you the truth, or at least I know you learn my heart even if it belongs to Charles. It’s extremely hard to be his friend without your words. Thanks.

Your dad, Doctor Manette must be a thief: he stole al the stars in the sky and put them all into your eyes, and it’s so difficult to hide my feelings when I look at them. You know that I did everything for you and Charles. I’m not trying to say my kindness is better than him, nor am I trying to put an end to my life because I’m a loser. I love you, Lucie, and you know that deeper than anyone. I would rather die than see you cry sorrowfully, each tears is like a knife to my heart.

I’m a drunkard, and I will do everything as a drunkard. I put my life on this gamble and hope Charles will able to live to take care of you. I will drop the responsibilities to let him bear it. And I guess, or at least I hope, I will win this game. Also, I want to use the last breath of my life to ensure that you will be happy forever. Charles might want that too. However, in the last movement of my life, I want to be a man who love you and can give you happiness in your life.

It hard to write down every feeling I have for you. Much harder than to say I love you, or say good bye to you. However, this is the time, the time for the last word, the time for my love, and the time to say good bye. Adieu, my dearest love.

The man who will always sacrifice for you

Sydney Carton